Observations

Spaniels + coffee = spaniel coffee

Hedges + sausages + life = dancing hedge sausages

Cows + ears = cows with too many ears

Triceratops + peas = carnage (they don't like peas)

Wolves + carpenters + wood = shelves with wolves on them

Eggs + pegs = a mess (the eggs get cracked, the pegs get all gloopy and wet - it's really not worth the bother)

Ants - ants' legs + otters' legs = monsters


Today I came to work on the bus/train/legs from Chris' house. On the way, I listened to the radio, wondered where Doncaster was, noted the worrying number of child commuters (one was reading the Metro in a businessman-like holding-newspaper pose), ate a double chocolate cookie from Millie's, queued for aaages as the FastTicket machines were broken and drew a fine picture of a nun with a twirly leg floating through space:

After work I'll be going back to Brum to show my passport to the people at a temping agency. They potentially have an interview lined up for me with BT on Friday, hurroo! In my interview I plan to wow them by begging and promising shiny things. How can it fail?

Spoon spoon.

My life as a spoon, in photos

Wahey! Photos from the weekend/yesterday on the Glitter Ball stall at lunch. Blair hath already given a very accurate report on Saturday night's goings on. Let us now rejoice in the power of the photo and match faces to names.

This is just a selection of the wonderful ART (and art it is) on offer. Non-Facebooky people, see here for the rest :). Facebooky people, spoon.

Saturday night: me taking a photo of Chris taking a photo

We played pool! Well, I didn't. I'm crap at pool.

Blair and random man with sparkly T-shirt


Christopher Bate does a smashing pool cue solo



Sunday afternoon: lunch at Spoons with Chris' family, including ikkle niece Ellie. She was mesmerised by a swastika grafitti-ed to the side of our table...

Wednesday lunchtime: Warwick Students' Union. Twas Europe Day during One World Week. Much free food was available on billions of stalls. I chose against it. It was all Too Spicy for my childlike palate.

Hilomius stole some free candy floss to use as a cunning disguise...

... I could not resist creating an alter-ego: Kylieard the Wise Bearded Fellow

According to Hilmi, Adam Ant is "some Spanish guy". I will continue to milk this for some time.

And blah and ta-da and hurrah! That is it. Enjoooooy with a packet of McCoooooooys.

Cor Blimey!

IT'S BEEN SNOWING!!!!!!! Has it snowed yet this year? I can't remember whether it has.

I've had a stressful few days what with work/finding a new job etc but I've arranged to have the next two Fridays off, so I feel slightly more hopeful today. Hurrah and things.

Most of the time I don't like my current job. However, there's the odd occasion where I feel like I'm a Crystal Maze contestant person in one of those Mystery levels - you know, the ones where you go into a little office and have to get solve a string of clues from notes posted under hats/in drawers/attached to a hidden rottweiler. There are loads of mysterious mystery folders of mystique and drawers containing several million keys scattered around my office. I had one of those moments today. I didn't find what I was looking for but it was very interesting all the same.

There was a point to this post but I can't remember what it is. Oh well.

Rice Krispies Multigrain

+

Milk

=

Yum (apparently)

I just ate several handfuls from the box in my drawer without milk and still enjoyed them. That's what skipping breakfast does to you.

Spoon

Spoon.

Je suis une banane

Things that worry me about me: -

• I get excited when a "Best Before" or "Use By" date falls on my birthday.

• It really, really bothers me that the plastic knives and forks in Cafe Library are blue and orange rather than matching colours.

• I always read magazines back-to-front

• I still can't ride a bike :)

• I'm scared of lighters and fire and firelighters.

• I had a dream the other night that Barry Manilow was the man in the moon. Anyone who dreams about Barry Manilow has to be two eggs short of... a box of eggs.

• The word "spoon" seems to be infiltrating itself into more and more of my everyday conversations. Having said that, I think I did well not to mention it in the knife and fork point above.

Let's hope it doesn't hinder my job search.

And to end, by popular demand... A PHOTO OF ME AND CHRIS! (Sorry, Facebook people.) Possibly my favourite so far actually. Spoon.

Meme thingy thing, woo!

Forgive me. I wrote this yesterday at about 4-4:30. I've just remembered to copy and paste it though. Spoon.

Q: A friend whose name starts with 'M'
A: Mr Matthew Stonky

Q: 4th person on your missed calls?
A: Hilmolius Jaidin

Q: What did your last text message say?
A: It was from Christophe, telling me he was leaving Blogger for MySpace. Blogger won’t let him change to the new version, and he’s seen how much easier the new thing is from my login so I don’t blame him! Tis a shame though.

Q: Do you chew on your straws?
A: Yep. I also without fail flatten one end, fold that end into a thin pointy bit and create a triangle by joining the two ends together. That was hard to explain. I doubt anyone but me will understand. I’ll take a picture next time I’m near a straw.

Q: What is the next concert/meeting etc. you're going to?
A: We going to see the Noisettes at the Charlotte in Leicester on Sunday, but that’s kind of fallen through. Nothing else planned but I’m sure something wonderful will plonk itself into my diary soon enough. My diary is becoming very hectic, woohoo, go me!

Q: Who is the coolest person in your life?
A: You know the one. He writes his own films, is generally amazingly pretty and makes the best cheesy chips EVER :D.

Q: What words do you say a lot?
A: "Like". I really should stop that. And "Jesus". Some people assume I’m religious because of my Jesus obsession. They are insane nuttery types.

Q: What is the last thing you ate?
A: A chicken, cream cheese and cranberry sauce baguette from South Central. All the "C"s. My speciality. The blonde South Central lady always ridicules me for it. I always pray to Yayzoos Creest that someone else will serve me but it never works.

Q: What was the last thing you said to someone?
A: It was very dull. I spoke to a Physics academic guy who needed a change made to his lunch booking at Radcliffe. I told him I’d do it. Dull, dull, dull. This is my life.
The most interesting thing I said to someone today was "ARGH!!!!!", to Hilmi, when I got off the crowded bus this morning. He was standing by the driver and prodded me when I walked past. I was listening to my IPod so I wasn’t with it at the time, and he literally made me jump. The giant gnuface.

Q: Do you watch TV?
A: Only if Strictly Come Dancing is on :). Otherwise it’s the internet or DVDs about parsnips and their uses.

Q: Do you have work/school tomorrow?
A: Rargh. Yes. Unless I kill all inhabitants of the Physics department (yes they do all live here) (I’ll spare you, Esther).

Q: Ever been hunting?
A: Shut it, you silly moo.

Q: Is marriage in your future?
A: I am already married to a shoe. Sorry Chris.

Q: What should you be doing right now?
A: Ha! Working. Being a PA/Secretary.

Q: Do you have a nickname?
A: Many. I particularly like to go by the name of "Plastic Dog" or "Chien au Plastique".

Q: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A: Sight has nowt to do with it.

Q: Who's the youngest one in the family?
A: Moi or Cookie.

Q: Are you a heavy sleeper?
A: *Cue obesity joke from Alex*

Q: Do you clean up nice?
A: I clean up rarely but when I do, I make sure it’s done properly. Having said that, wherever I go I leave an aura of sparkliness and wonder, naturally :D.
Hang on, does this mean "Do you scrub up well?". In which case, no, but I let the glitter/sequins work their magic.

Q: Last time you used a skateboard?
A: I fall over wherever skateboards/skates/ice skates/high heels/normal shoes are concerned.

Q: Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
A: Yes. I burnt a pixie village once. You should have seen their faces melt.

Q: Best movie you've seen in the past two weeks?
A: I think the only film I’ve seen has been the Life of Brian. Oi loike it though.

Q: Next place you'll go:
A: Home. Soon. It’s 4:07! Yay!

Q: Next movie you want to see?
A: Everything showing at the cinema right now is codswallop.

Q: Next time you're going out:
A: Maybe at the weekend. Maybe not. I’m poor.

Q: Next thing you're going to save money for:
A: My Glitter Ball ticket! Or maybe some milk. Pity me.

Q: Next time that you will drink alcohol:
A: Whenever I go out next.

Q: Next place you'll take vacation:
A: Possibly Cyprus. Chris’s mum lives out there and has invited us. It is very exciting. I neeeeeed a holiday!!!

Q: Next thing you are going to do after filling this survey:
A: Procrastinate in various ways. Perhaps I will stew an otter in a vat of boiling pus. What a wonderful way to end this post.

Some Deep Art

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

"My Head and Insides Currently Feel Like This"

or

"My Head and Insides Currently Feel Like This"

for all you Webdingers out there

- a depiction of the way my head and insides feel currently. In the form of a hedgehog being liquidised, and therefore in pain, accompanied by smiling faces of immense joy.

Enough said.

Blah and the letter "A"

Bored. Sick of job. Sick of Coventry. If anyone asks me to do any work today I don't think I'll be able to resist throttling them to death. Not a good quality for a PA. Still, it was a wondrous weekend with Christophe and ponies and such.

WAHEY!!! It's Christina the Wonder Pony...

...and me, the less wondrous but ever-loving pony-mother...

...in a bloody amazing little bar on Spon Street. How I have managed to avoid a whole street of cool bars after 2 1/2 years of living here is beyond my little mind. It was also Claire and Matthew Stonky's birthday house party. I had lots of punch and Dooley's and twas joyous. Merci Monsieur Stonkers et Madame Clairetta et bon anniversaire etc etc.

***NEWS FLASH***
I have decided to launch a series of blog posts based on the letters of the alphabet. I need all the procrastinatory inspiration I can get until a new and better job comes along - Derek the Inspiration Hawk is on holiday for an indefinite period.

Numero Uno:

A is for Asparagus:

I have never had asparagus and have always wondered if I should try it. Apparently it is an aphrodisiac but I'm not so sure as it looks like a prettier version of celery to me, and celery is not something I find even remotely arousing.

A is for Aunties:

My brother with Mad Aunt Gertrude on Christmas Day

One of my aunties has an asbo but the rest are ok. Mad Aunt Gertrude especially noted for her ability to take up trousers and for household advice. And for big pants at Christmas.


A is for Alan Partridge :D

I know a cracking owl sanctuary

A is for Antennapedia (or why I chose to do Biol Sci for my degree :)) :

Legs as antennae! CRAZINESS!!!

Ah, the joys of biology...

A is for Allosaurus and Andi Peters:

Allosaurus

Andi Peters

What a winning combination that would be.

Someone's just given me some work to do. I'm off to throttle them as I don't want to miss lunch at 1.

Poetry Corner with Derek the Inspiration Hawk

Hello.

Look! A poem.



"Derek the Inspiration Hawk"
by A Plastic Dog

Hark! It's a hawk.
Squalk.
Pork.
Tapping at my window like a biscuit on a fork.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap
Rap, rap, rap, rap, rap, rap, rap (for the hawk liked Eminem)
Spake the hawk unto my ear
The following for me to hear:

"Here's your inspiration, chuck.
Put it in your blogging book.
Spaniel, dachshund, collie, greyhound
Locust, parsnip, lettuce, muck."

And with that the hawk, he left
All at once I felt bereft
The hawk that took away my pain
Buggered off into the rain

NEVER TO RETURN AGAIN!

Alas, alack, my egg was cracked
A thousand pigeon workers sacked
And so my story dies its death
Like that Emmerdale guy called Seth

And a song and quote by Christopher Bate:

"Hugo Myatt's got a bum" (repeat to fade)


"Sometimes you need to cry
Sometimes you need to be sick
And sometimes you just need a big poo"