"Alas! Alack! My Tooth!", an autobiographical poem by Kylie "Plastic Dogetta" Posnett

My tooth is black
What shall I do?!
It hurts me when I eat a shrew
A hole revealed itself to me
A tiny hole,
A cavity

When looking in a mirror-woo
And thinking of a kangaroo
I saw the little holey there
Nestled like a cream eclair.

At first I thought it was a seed
Or perhaps a cunning bead
A bead that sought a dental home
And fed upon the toothpaste foam

Removable with cocktail stick
YES
Cocktail stick would do the trick
But no, Alas, Alack, Aploooo
Oh no! Oh Keith! 'Twill just not do

No bead was there, no seed, no grain
Just a hole of crappy pain

And so, to Denty I must go
Denty being the surgeon-o
Although I haven't got the cash
So I'm not going yet
So there

Also I've found that one of my wisdom teeth is growing at a funny angle and looks set to push into my other teeth so I'll probably have to have it taken out and I am very scared of needles and operations and stuff and I haven't been to Denty for about ten years so by now every tooth probably has to have something done to it oh dear never mind wish me luck end of poem BYE

I was almost killed by a Stormtrooper...

(which would be on the front page of Cosmo if I was in it)

YES!!!! It's the long-awaited photos and videos of last weekend and our trip to Leicester. Woohoo.


A Stormtrooper poses for me WITH HIS BIG WHITE GUN ooer


Our post-Fan Club trip to the (apparently haunted) Guildhall and Leicester Cathedral. Sorry about the darkness. The lack of light, not the band. Hur hur hur.

The National Space Centre


I tried to take a photo of a stormtrooper through the window of the canteen while enjoying a bag of Wotsits but he was having none of it.

Chris in front of a shiny rocket

The Royal Family

My brother Adam and his happy face

Adam made a "house for starving Ethiopian children", complete with ice cubes

Free lollies!

Chris turned into a duck and we had to take him to A&E, cutting the night short. Hoho.