Le weekend

Qu'est-ce que tu as fait au weekend, Kylie? Alors, je vais te tell maintenant. En francais in parts. Mal francais avec bad grammar et pas de accents. So there. Geddoverit, spoons.

Vendredi

J'ai done lots of fencing with mon new friend, Salamander Bruce. He bought me a new sword thing so I decided to try it out. ON HIS SALAMANDER BRAINS, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


He deeeead now. RIP Bruce.

It's his own fault for changing colour like a crazy colour-changing lizard. Freak.

Samedi

LORDY LORDY LOO
I made a pointy shoe. For you. And a gnu. Woohoo. Just the one thooooough.

Buckaroo.
Dimanche

I danced in the morning when the world was young


- I'm older than I look. That's me there on the left.


I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun

- that was quite a challenge. They're quite far apart from each other and the last two are a bit balmy.


I came down from heaven and I danced on the earth

- I parachuted.


At Bethlehem I had my birth

- Which is a lie. I was born in Leicester Royal Infirmary.


I danced for the scribes and the Pharisees

- They needed someone at short notice. Jill Halfpenny cancelled on them.


They wouldn't dance, they wouldn't follow me

- They're dead now so it might have been a bit much to expect anything more.


I danced for the fishermen James and John
They came with me so the dance went on

- Nice blokes. They gave me a free trout.


I danced on the Sabbath and I cured the lame

- Oh yeah, go me.


The holy people said it was a shame

- They must have been in the wheelchair business.


They ripped, they stripped, they hung me high


- There they are. They were Full Monty holy people from a BDSM cult.


Left me there on the cross to die

- Bastards.


Then I did a blog post. This is she. Her name is Petunia. Petunia Ripplemoose.

Bacon lardons.

Ooooooooooh Chimpanzee that! Monkey News

And here are the headlines: -

*BONG*

I HAVE NO JOB
I didn't lose my job at BT, but I jolly well gave it up! I started last Thursday with several other nice-and-jobworthy-but-somehow-out-of-work people, all from different agencies. Many people have told me things about BT, mainly not good (hello David), but I thought I'd give them a chance. Kat seems to be doing well after all. Also it gave me the opportunity to get away from my old job. I really should have known better.

- Within an hour of us being there, we were hurried off into a tiny round-sofa-ed kitchen area in the middle of the office to be "welcomed" into the company and told of BT's rules. And that by Monday at the latest we would be "on the phones bringing money in!" Oh the joy!

- There will be no eating of any food at your desk, except boiled sweets. It looks "unprofessional" and apparently, when you do so, food becomes lodged in your throat thus preventing any further answering of calls throughout the day. This rule used to be limited to hot food only but a couple of months ago some member of senior management decided the working environment wasn't strict enough. Anyone found to be eating at their desk will be taken to the Naughty Room and cautioned by their plebby team leader.

- There will be no breaks during the day except for a half-hour lunch break. This excludes toilet breaks (oh BT, with these toilet breaks you are really spoiling us).

- There will be no personal internet usage, unless you come to work half an hour early or you luuurve the company and like to stay in the office during above mentioned lunch break.

- Mobile phones must be switched off at all times. Silent mode is not an option. Employees of BT must be aware that during office hours they are dead to the world. No outside phone call is too important.

- No staff will be given permanent contracts (except senior management) - one employee has been temping for 10 years. Secular-God help him.

Etc etc blah blah blah. All during our first day. Me and three others spent most of the day in a meeting room known as "The Freezer" (we had to wear coats) being trained on the database and accounting systems we were to be using. One of the team leaders led the presentation ("do you all know how to use a mouse?"/"some people don't like the rules, but you have to obey"). He kindly gave us two extra 10-minute breaks in which we went to the canteen to chat about each of our various escape routes. One of the guys in our group was a partly-trained accountant with a Biomedical Sciences degree, and I spent a lot of time chatting to a lady who had recently set up a vintage boutique, but needed a job to tie her over while it got off its feet. Both clever people, both patronised for the entirety of the day by some "I'm bloody great and you will respect me" Gareth-from-The-Office type. I really hope they're not still there by the end of the week.

Anyway yes, by the end of the day I was actually laughing at the crap that was spouting from "Gareth"'s mouth. I decided I wasn't going back tomorrow and sent an email to that effect to the agency guy who had given me a job, thanking him for the opportunity nevertheless.

I went for a job interview with Dudley Council on Friday. I was supposed to have gone to see them on Thursday but for obvious reasons couldn't. It went very well and the people seemed very nice. They have three vacancies scattered around the region and I said I didn't have any preference, so I suspect they're trying to find people to fill all three posts before they get back to me. I hope I get the job.


*BONG*

I MIGHT COME BACK TO WARWICK FOR LUNCH THIS WEEK
as I have no job and need to spend some time packing my room before I move out proper on Saturday. I miss South Central and the Union and of course everyone. Shall we go up to the Grad? :)

If any of you want to go shopping in Brum or for lunch or something this week let me know. Go on, twill be fun. Spoon.


*BONG*

I HAVE A COLD
Atchoo.


*BONG*

I JUST PUT JINX OUT
and she came straight back in and did a poo in the litter tray.


*BONG*

I MIGHT GO TO MERRY HILL TODAY
Despite having no money, it will pass the time away. Maybe I will buy a penny sweet.


*BONG*

NO LEAVING DO TILL I HAVE MORE MONEY
I promise I'll come back to Coventrar soon for some kind of leaving drinky thing. For now I have £30 in the world so I can't afford it.


*BONG*

I HAVE AN ITCY NECK
My neck is itchy and I'm off to scratch it.


That was the news *shuffles papers*

MUSIC: *Doooooooooo do do doooooooooo* BONG BONG BONG

I have a job!!!

Hurrah! A nice man from an agency called me at lunchtime today asking if I could start tomorrow! It's with BT doing credit control in Wolver-o-hampton city centre. So yes, I'm starting tomorrow.

Goodbye, cruel office.

I went to see my boss after I'd heard, and he said, "Can't they let you start on Monday", to which I replied, "NO! No, you silly man. They need me tomorrow. Bumhole and spew to you. Muahahahahaha!" Well, I didn't say that, but I stood my ground and told him no and went over what needed to be tied up and he had to deal with it. So there. I don't care any more. I've done my bit and that is all that I will be doing.

Tonight I will pack a bag and train-it to Chris's house ready for my 9:30am start. Maybe I will no longer have South Central chicken-cranberry-sauce-cream-cheese baguettes but maybe that's a good thing. The Baguette Lady won't be able to mock me for my choices any more. But no more lunches with Hilmi and Esther. Humph. We'll have to do it at the weekend somewhere else... Pizza Express, anyone? ;)

I'll be back lots. Plus I'll be paying rent for the next week so I might be back for Fabulous, depending on how much I need to pack. As I said before, invite me to everything and tell me all the gossip as I will miss Pride politics... ho ho ho.

I must go and pretend to work for my last hour now. Bye bye!

P.S. Leaving do is in the pipeline :D

Bye bye Warwick and a cautious "Yaaay!"

Oh, many things to report from the past couple of days. Things are actually moving forward. Because I'm making them. I don't like my job and I'm bored of Coventry and its concrete and I need a change and a career. I will of course miss all you Warwick people, and I expect many visits both from and to you in the future. Don't leave me out of any house party invites. Or else. But it's been almost two years since I've graduated and I have nothing but a string of "I still want to be a student" jobs to show for it. Plus it's getting harder and harder to be away from Chris for any length of time. For the first night in over a week we won't be together tonight and I know I'm going to be mopey and teary in true Kylie fashion for the rest of the day. Yes anyway, I'll get to the point...

The following things have happened since yesterday: -

1. Monday morning: I had a small "arrrrgh I can't take this job any longer" panic for the manyth time in the past few weeks. I decided having a job was stopping me getting a job. I haven't got time to apply apply apply while I'm working and travelling backwards and forwards to Chris's. Apply apply apply is exactly what got me my Student Finance job within a couple of weeks this time last year. Apply apply apply is what I need to do and I need stress-free time out of work to do it. SO: I decided I would set a date about 4 weeks in the future after which I would leave my current job. Which means handing in my notice in three weeks. No more work. No more being alone in pokey office with nobody to talk to and no impossibly scary work to do.


2. Monday afternoon: I applied for two new temping agencies, both recommended by Chris. One of them called me back asking me to see them on Tuesday morning with my passport and a payslip. The other has emailed me with a typing test which I will do after work.


3. Monday evening: I went straight from work to Chris's. No need to get up at 6:30 on Tuesday morning, as my interview was down the road at 10am! Woohoo!


4. Tuesday morning: Went to Career Prospects with my passport and a payslip, and they said they thought they'd be able to get me work easily, but most of their temp jobs are "start tomorrow" type things, so she wouldn't really be able to help me till I finish where I am now. "Tick-tock," went my brain. I did a typing speed test thingy, and got 51 wpm. The lady said "wow" and that she hadn't seen that for a while :) and there was me being disappointed because I'd previously got 60 wpm...


5. ALSO another agency rang me saying I'd be able to get an interview for another job in Wolverhampton city centre on Thursday. I'm just waiting for them to call me now.


6. Tuesday afternoon: A different lady from Career Prospects called asking if I'd be interested in a job with Dudley Council, saying she'd arrange an interview for Thursday afternoon. I said YES YES YES.


7. My supervisory type lady asked how the interview with the agency went, and added that it would be ok for me to leave without giving her a week's notice if something came up... cue Kylie frantically emailing lady from this morning to say I can start now and please, please, PLEASE give me a job.


8. BIG NEWS: I emailed my landlady giving her notice till next weekend (17th Feb).

In conclusion: a reserved "yay!" and, job or no job, I will be leaving Coventry next weekend at the latest. All kinds of emotions. I had to just go to the toilets for a small sob to release the happydespairjoyexcitement which has been building up for a good while now.

To Warwick people: bye bye, I will miss you all, and I'll arrange some kind of lovely drinky Fuck Off Plastic Dog party before I leave if I can. Although bear in mind I'll have no money so I may be sober. Facebook and MSN me often when I'm gone as I will need all the gossip.

To new Quarry Bank/surrounding area people: HELLO! I'm on my way! Please be my friend and I will make you shiny things and buy you drinks and pat you on the head and things. I look forward to many adventures with you in the future :)

To Chris: Thank you thank you thank you for letting me stay at yours at short notice and for changing my life and opening many lovely new doors for me. And for everything. I love you and I can't wait to live with you properlike. Wahey! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hmm. This is weird. I feel like I'm drafting this for a month's time or something. I don't feel like I'm really leaving yet. I'm sure it will hit me soon.

Let's release all the emotion with a smiling fish.