Toothy toothy teg teg

Today I went to the dentist for the first time in about 10 years. Now I'm sure that everyone in the world has been enthusiastically keeping up with my dental ponderings for the past few months. However, to recap, please see Fig. 1:

Fig. 1: Holey pain and turny pain.

Holey pain and turny pain both arrived at roughly the same time. This was about a year ago. Yes, I am that bad at going to the dentist.

Holey pain is a hole - or cavity, if you will - which I was first convinced was a seed stuck in my tooth, and which later became more holey and less seedy (so to speak) and has, in the past few months, started to hurt a lot when I eat crusty baguettes, apples and other foods that feature on denture-sticking gel adverts.

Turny pain is a wisdom tooth that started to hurt during chocolate-eating sessions. And I do have sessions. Especially with Lindor. I later discovered that turny-pain-tooth was in fact angled about 45 degrees towards the front of my mouth, which I suspected was not good.

So I went to the dentist, fully expecting at least a filling and a scary tooth extraction. I am a wimp and go a bit hysterical at the thought of a paper cut, never mind a bone being pulled out of my body.

To my delight, Mr Dentiste said I would not need an extraction! Just a filling, he said. He offered to do it there and then but I stopped him right in his tracks. "I'm not having that, Mr Dentiste,"I said-ish. Instead it will be done in a couple of weeks.

But HURRAH!

THERE WILL BE NO PULLING OUT OF TEETH!

CANCEL THE DANCING MARMOSETS!

HURRAY!!!

Blongchok

Why am I tired when I've just had two cans of Red Bull? I'm hoping they won't kick in just as I want to go to bed.

We were out last night at Walkabout down the road in Wolver-o-hampton city centre and I had some fake Red Bull before I went out, plus several servings of Coca Cola when I was out. I woke up an hour before my alarm was due to go off this morning and I could feel my heart beating faster than usual. At least I was relatively awake for work. Bloody work. I don't like my job at the moment. It is in Dudley after all. Nobody go to Dudley. You will be hassled by chavs and people playing shit music on mobile phones and old lady chavs who smell of wee.

All the caffeine woke me up in the middle of a very strange dream though. Someone gave me some new "bee" bubble bath, containing bees, which was meant to be invigorating due to fake stings. It wasn't supposed to hurt, but when I got into the bath I kept being stung on the left knee. The bastards had tricked me! It sleep-hurt lots. I'm thinking maybe my left knee was being eaten up by a real-life insect and this made me dream of bees.

I was stung by a wasp once in P.E. and it hurt many and lots. It was completely unprovoked. Wasps are the skinheads of the insect world.


What the hell am I writing about?!

I just felt like doing a blog. I will go now. Buzzzzzzz and that.

Egg overload

I feel like having a good old blog. I have lots to tell, but most of the stuff I can think of to write about it mundane dull monkajonk. So with my apologies here it is:

- I went to Sainsbury's today (applause please) and upon walking to the checkout with a full basket of foodstuffs, I happened upon an aisle of HALF PRICE POSH EASTER EGGS!!!!! So I bought a Green & Blacks butterscotch egg/mini egg combo for the very reasonable price of £2.50. Scrum dum chum wum wum. Nom nom nom. I bought it for me and Chris to share but it turns out he doesn't like the richness of the chocolate, so it's all mine now. I will buy him another one, I promise :).

- I have a new pair of gogglespecs......bought during an emergency no-glasses situation in London. I needed some new ones anyway. I wasn't just being extravagant. The hat is my brother's, stolen purely for the photomographing opportunity.


N.B. the following stuff is not mundane dull monkajonk. I thought of it after I wrote the first paragraph:

- In London we went out in Cayyyymden Tarn (we being me, my dad, my brother and Chris) to a pub called the World's End, which had all kinds of jolly music and was generally very cool. My dad stayed till about 11 and then we went doonstars to the club below it. We left there pretty quickly though as the dancefloor had a funny smell...

- Also also in London we did the usual sightseeing stuff and, for the second time, met Mr Dan. We went to Hamleys and ate pizza and went to one of the few remaining Fopp stores (yay) where I bought The Devil's Backbone as I liked Pan's Labyrinth when I saw it on Christmas Eve. We like Mr Dan. He understands us, does Mr Dan :).

- We bought an X-Box on Saturday! I have been playing Oblivion as a character called "Keith" who is a lady dark elf, and due to a general lack of skills where computer games are concerned, have been getting killed lots and many by many and lots of goblins and devil-type firey bastards. You get to create your own characters and I don't quite know why there are so many different settings for nose width etc. It is fun though. I think I may be a geek, deep down. Chris has been playing Dead Rising and killing zombies with chainsaws and that. We are happy with our X-Box and it is our new friend.

- Monkeys.

That is all for now. Bye bye.

I need to start blogging again. But not today :)

Kylie's gone to Iceland

I have just returned from a feast of extra thin Chicago Town pizza with wedges and beans, just like Ma makes(/puts in the oven). The pizza was 75p! That's Iceland price.

Noodles is settling in well. Noodles is the hamster by the way. Well, her full name is Noodles Luna Maguire. We can handle her and everything now! She has attempted to nibble on occasion but hasn't bitten us yet - I don't think she has it in her. She is a mischievous scamp. She wants to eat my hair but I'm having none of it, and she likes the idea of going down the back of the sofa, which we are also prohibiting. Oh, but she is the fluffiest of fluffy things and has the softest of soft fur. Oh Noodles, we do love you so.

Noodles Maguire and the Scrumptious Carrot

Action Noodles

And so, an ode to Noodles:

Noodles how we love you so
Ear that twitch and fur like snow
You are nothing like a rat
We would not let you near a cat

Hat, fat, pat, Yasser Arafat

That
was a poem.
Yes.

Hamster hamster hamster hamster HAMSTER!

We have a hamster! I bought her yesterday from the pet shop down the road. It was Chris's birthday yesterday, you see, and I thought he might like one.

She is white with small amounts of grey in her fur and she has a nose that goes "sniffle sniffle". I love her and she is my friend. Her cage has lots of tubes protruding from it. Overnight, she seems to have decided that it would be a good idea to take every last piece of food and the majority of her bedding from the cage itself into part of one of the tubes, and she has wedged herself inside. She is weird but we still love her. Even if it did take me ages to set her food bowl and sawdust and bedding etc out in her cage before she arrived yesterday.

I will post a picture very soon - I was going to take and post one for this blog but she's snuggled up in her new tube-bed-diner at the moment, and you can't really see her pretty eyes or sniffle nose.

Giggle.

Crigmas is upon us like a great big moggle bog

Look!

I went to Wilkinsons on Sunday and bought a new Christmas tree and baubles and tinsel and a star, and I bloody decorated the tree, bloody bloody! It has a lilac theme, which you can't really see from the picture as it is a bit dark. It's dark because if I had taken the picture with the light on, the fairy lights wouldn't have shown up - which were, by the way, £1 from Poundland (bargain), and I bought them some time ago, purely because I like sparkly things. Either way, I think it is a work of art, and as such, this blog post will be tagged on Blogger as "Art of the highest quality", to go with all of my other superb art.

I am very proud of myself. It's the first proper (i.e. taller than 1 ft) Christmas tree I have ever had, and by that I mean while living alone away from my mum's house in Leicester.

We always used to have a real Christmas tree in Leicesterland, until this year. Apparently this year my mum's bought a fake one from B & Q. In previous years, I have always tried, and succeeded, to nip my mum's CRAZY threats of stopping the real tree tradition in the bud, but this year I have let myself down. Never mind. The cat always used to eat the needles from the real trees anyway, so maybe an artificial tree is best for everyone.

I am very excited about Christmas this year. Although me and Chris were together last Christmas, we'd only been going out for a few weeks, so we were physically apart on Christmas Day. This year, we'll be staying in the West Midlands until half way through Christmas Day, watching his cool and groovy kiddiewink niece and nephew open their cool and groovy presents and devouring some yumscrum dinner of the out-of-law-inlaws, before being driven to Leicesterland by my dad for drinks and a Christmas buffet courtesy of aforementioned dad (yes, we are posh) and evening present-opening. It is most thrilling. My mum's going to make Christmas dinner on Boxing Day instead of Christmas Day this year, so we will get TWO DAYS OF SILLY HATS!!! Hurroo!

In other news, I have changed my Blogger template. I hope it doesn't make me look egotistical. I really don't love myself that much. Chris advised me on which photo to use. Don't judge me, pleeease!

I am off to bed now. Nanoo, nanoo.

Kylie's Anal Rant

This may seem a bit of an overreaction, but I feel the need to write about something that really gets on my nerves.


See the image below:
It's all wrong! The barlines are all in the wrong place, the sharps and flats are on the wrong line and if we're talking about the musical equivalent of grammar, it's all fucked up in general. Argh! If people want to use notation for decorative purposes, e.g. on a t-shirt or something, they should either: 1. look into how to write it correctly, or 2. get someone who knows what they're doing to create it. Someone like me :) or indeed anyone with a basic grasp of music theory. Ooh, it makes me angry!

To end on a positive note, I like Haribo. Haribo makes me happy, but not as much as Lindor makes me happy.

God I'm rubbish

Sorry I'm late. I've not got around to posting for a month! Anyway, here is a Flight of the Conchords video for your amusement. I know everyone knows about it by now, but I'm still going to post it anyway, so nare :)



HURRAH!!!

I didnae post last night so I am posting now. Look - it is a post. Yes.

It will only be short though as I am about to go shopping for new flat stuff and shiny things :) :) :).

Our new flat is very funkysome. Everyone is invited. Hurray.

We have seen a zombie print in a local shop that is soon to be the centrepiece of our living room. That's how cool our new flat is. Although I suppose it may startle people sleeping on the sofa.

I will take a picture once my camera is fixed (I think it got moisture in it from the swimming pool that was V 2007 and now it won't progress past the welcome screen) (I won't tell Curry's Digital that when I take it in today) (oh no, it was all their fault).

Anyway, I am off to eat some Weetabix from our glorious new kitchen.

Good morn!

Good morrow. It is me.

Hurrah! I am back, with internet forever more. At home and everything!

I will do a proper post tomorrow if I get chance, but for now, it is late and I must retire to bed.

Goody-bye!

xxx

V Festival and monkeys and, of course, their trousers

This morning we returned from Mr V. Festival. It was my first campy-festival experience, in that I have been to festivals before but only ones in Leicester or Coventry where I've been able to go home to a lovely warm bed and a shower and my penguin pyjamas at the end of the day.

It rained many and much. It was muddy many and much. We paid many and much for food and drink and plastic rain ponchos. We used many and much toilet seats baring ourselves to many visible poos and the smell of much visible (and invisible) poos. But the bands were many and much bloody good and we did "The Festival Dance" (think leg-kicking-in-a-circle like you've seen on the news) many and much. Generally it was many and much good. This is with the exception of Lily Allen who really did embarrass herself many and much, but let's forget her as failing to do so can only hinder the lives of such wonderful people who may choose to read this blog.

There was a bit of a to-do in getting out of the car park, what with Nick's car going to car sleepy land in the mud, but we eventually got home and I had the loveliest, warmest shower that I have ever experienced. It was also nice to walk on the firm, concrete-y floor to the shop round the corner. Ah, concrete. It is so very reliable and non-slippy.

That is all. I still have no internet so I am having to borrow Mr H's computer and may not be back for some time. For the time being I would like to request 1) a new job (£14,000 a year and no corporate bastards would be lovely), 2) an affordable and shiny flat in Wolverhampton and 3) some corduroy slacks fit for simians to dance in as I am planning a funky monkey disco for my future pet monkey and he is currently naked. Thank you.

P.S. I have changed my mind about Mika. He is quite good at playing instruments and has very good taste in trousers. And he provides very good music to back The Festival Dance.

Adam Buxton Songs of Praise thing as recommended by Rodney "Kylie's Dad" Posnett

Shiny weekendness

Alternative title: London - woo and that.

My weekend:

Lester P. Mason had his own ticket. The man on the train with the stampy thing didn't accept it. Tut.

Mistifer Christifer and sock monkey


Mr Hilmolius Jaidin

He brought it upon himself

- Friday evening at Spoons near Trafalgar Square for scrumbumptious paninis and cocktails and shit with newly/not-so/newly far-away friends. And Lester P. Mason, for whom the novelty of alchimohol was all too much (and who may appear in many photos as a result).

Ciaran "I love Miss Congeniality" Osborne and David (host and bf)


A Jon-Esther

- On to Popstarz for further jollities. I had not been to a gay club in yonks so it was many welcome. Although I think a man tried to hit on Chris via me. But not in a grabby scary way like people do in Blast Off etc.

- Back to Ciaran's in Brixton for sleeeeeep.

Shiny people Ms Jemima and Mr Dan

The cheese, THE CHEEEEESE!

- Chocolate spread on toast and a quick exit towards what we thought was the Virgin in Oxford Circus but was actually the Virgin in Picadilly Circus to meet Mr Dan and Ms Jemima. Oh, and Pizza Hut, naturellement...

- More fun.

- Shopping, that's what. Panda bag of joy, that's what. Oh yes.

- Scary but good pub off Oxford Street.

- Scrombiddilyjoy-filled wonderfood from a pub in Brixton.

- Various other things that I won't go into because it is twenty past eleven and I have been editing this post for far too long (bloody Blogger and its rubbish photo uploading system).


HURRAH!

I'm off to wake Chris up as he is on the sofa asleep. But only to take him to a more comfy bed. I'm not evil. Nighty night x

A belated Pingu valentine

Hello. I have not been blogging enough. Soz. I have been rather busy of late. I have been eating lots of pizza and drinking at funky bars by the canal and trying not to scratch the mysterious cut that appeared on my left index finger at the Bright Eyes gig/Ramshackles last night. I also seem to have been bitten by one or several or many insect-people in my sleep. So yes, we're getting all the crappy things that summer should bring and NONE OF THE BLOODY SUN, RAAAARGH! Anyway. Tis not all bad.

Yesterday morning, I was interviewed for a job at the eye centre of a hospital in Birmingham. It went very well I think. I've wanted to work in a hospital for a long while now - down with corporations! Up with doing things that directly benefit people! I've been temping for two years since finishing my degree, waiting to get a job like this one. If I got the job I would be testing people's eyes for glaucoma, mainly over 55s but sometimes going out to schools to check that everything is ok vision-wise for the little kiddiwinks :).

It's a bit different to processing the mortgages of ungrateful people for £6.50 an hour.

I went for the same job in February, and apparently was favourite until the very last person. The lady interviewing me rang me back to say that I should apply if anything else came up because they liked me. And that is what I jolly well did. I find out on Tuesday anyway. Fins crossed, my fishies, fins crossed.

Here is a video of Pingu for Noodles. He doesn't like Pingu (shocking) but I am going to post it anyway.

Meme, teehee

On Chloe's request, a fluffy new meme for your reading pleasure. And you will enjoy it. Oh yes. It's copy and paste time.


Rules:

We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. Most of my favourite things are red and black and very, very sparkly.

2. I own two Jesus action figures. One has rolly feet so you can wheel him around and one has glow in the dark hands and loaves and fishes.
3. I have a habit of sporadically saying "monkey trousers", which has nothing to do with the old TV programme, which I have never seen.

4. My cousin went to school with the Sooty presenter who took over from Matthew Corbett. Now that's what I call a claim to fame.

5. As a child I used to have recurring nightmares which involved: 1. being chased by a giant Lego man and 2. being pushed down the stairs by Bully from Bullseye.

6. My obsession with the old ITV kids' show Knightmare is such that I originally spelt "nightmare" wrong in point 5.

7. I used to have a crush on Sonic the Hedgehog.

8. I clearly have issues as almost all of the above relate to my childhood :). And also because I used to have a crush on a cartoon character.

Tagged:

Christopher David Noodles Bate of Christopher David Noodles Bate's blog fame
Dan of Dan's blog fame
Maja of Maja's blog fame
The Grumble of The Grumble's blog fame

Bloggerwise this leaves me stuck *sob* as I am a newbie to regular bloggers, so I will continue the tagfest on Facebook...

And to finish, an air chicken Ryan Adams recital from Mistifer Christopher Bate:

Feeding carrots to monkeys

Since I last posted, I have done the following: -

a bit of Cat Yoga

a bit of bubble harrassment

received, and eaten, a lot of Lindor (woo)

visited some birthday fish at the National Sealife Centre in Birmingham with Hilmi and Dom (generous Lindor givers) - photos of the meatier fish were taken by Chris.

eaten some good old Leicester toast. Leicester being the best city in the world or, if you prefer to disagree, I will go RARGH at you

discovered a new ready made Cosmopolitan mixer in M&S (buy it! Tis only £2.50!)

taken my brother by surprise

discovered Gladys A. Mummy at the New Walk Museum

seen some birds in the Wild Space section... hur hur hur...

and admired all manner of fine art.

Except for the Picasso pottery, which was crap :)

PICASSEROLE DISH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(It was my birthday on Sunday, and I got a shiny new camera, hence the snap happiness)
(Oh and our internet is back, hurrah!)

(Hello)
(xxx)

A Powem

I am me
Shopping spree
Buy a flea
On a pea
Have a wee
In the sea
On a bee
La la be
I can see
Lots of pee
Running free
From Monkey
Carol Smillie
Zebedee
Look! A shiny
I'm Kylie

(That's what you get when I can't think of anything to post about :))

Things that rhyme with "tree"

• Me
• Spree
• Flea
• Pea
• Wee
• Sea
• Bee
• Be
• See
• Pee
• Free
• Monkey
• Carol Smillie
• Zebedee
• Shiny
• Kylie

And now, a powem...

The meme thing everyone seems to be doing

Three Things That Scare Me:

1. Murderers

2. Death

3. Spiders (I stole that one from Chris. But here is a beauuuutiful picture to make me feel more innovative...)

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:

1. Bill Bailey

2. Eddie Izzard (AKA Dizzard in my household)

3. My friends and boyfriend. Otherwise what's the point?

Three Things I Love:

1. Baby terrapins

2. Shiny and in-tune pianos

3. Shiny things - preferably black with red sparkly stones

Three Things I Hate:

1. Judgemental people (and by that I mean the ones who judge you before they've even had a proper conversation with you)

2.

3. Onions

Three Things I Don’t Understand:

1. Physics

2. Paris Hilton's popularity
3. The appeal of man-cardigans

Three Things On My Desk:

1. An electric fan

2. A little pink notebook that used to be in my handbag before I used and ripped out all of the pages.

3. Sparkly bangles (yay!)

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:

1. Typing, it would appear

2. Sitting in a garden chair

3. Waiting for The Soup to come on. It is very good. You would do well to watch it.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Learn to play the harp.

2. Set up my own little business and escape the 9-5. Maybe a little jewellery shop or something. Kylie's Shiny Things Emporium Full of Shiny Things That Sparkle.

3. Be in Chris's band of the future.

Three Things I Can Do:

1. Make "the best pancakes in the world", apparently.

2. Roll my tongue

3. Make sparkly/glow in the dark bracelets

Three Things I Can’t Do:

1. Not cry when sad/happy/angry/many other situations that most people can deal with rationally.

2. Ride a bike.

3. Climb/swing on the big rope in P.E. That wasn't an innuendo.

Three things you should listen to:

1. The songs of Mulligan and O'Hare

2. Potential traffic noises as you cross the road. Safety first.

3. Music at work. Down with rules! One day we will all be FREEEEE!!!

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:

1. Bernard Manning.

2. People who use the phrase "a job's a job".
3. The Cheeky Girls

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:

1. Latin and ballroom dancing (this was true before Strictly Come Dancing arrived).

2. How to be a good parent to Sea Monkeys, thus increasing their life expectancies.

3. The reason why photocopiers hate me.

Three Favorite Foods:

1. Pizza Hut pizzas and chicken wings.

2. Chicken carbonara

3. Lindor chocolates

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:

1. Knightmare

2. Ghostwriter

3. Pob

Three Things I Regret:

1. Not working hard enough for my degree. Although if I had, I'd probably be living somewhere else and wouldn't have met Chris.

2. Not having visited the dentist sooner.

3. Leaving my 15p reduced-after-Easter Lindor eggs in the sun. They became inedible :'(

Three People I Tag:

I don't do tagging. I don't know enough people! Anyone reading who hasn't done this already.


UPDATE: It would appear that my spider photo has been taken down. Quel dommage.