Crigmas is upon us like a great big moggle bog

Look!

I went to Wilkinsons on Sunday and bought a new Christmas tree and baubles and tinsel and a star, and I bloody decorated the tree, bloody bloody! It has a lilac theme, which you can't really see from the picture as it is a bit dark. It's dark because if I had taken the picture with the light on, the fairy lights wouldn't have shown up - which were, by the way, £1 from Poundland (bargain), and I bought them some time ago, purely because I like sparkly things. Either way, I think it is a work of art, and as such, this blog post will be tagged on Blogger as "Art of the highest quality", to go with all of my other superb art.

I am very proud of myself. It's the first proper (i.e. taller than 1 ft) Christmas tree I have ever had, and by that I mean while living alone away from my mum's house in Leicester.

We always used to have a real Christmas tree in Leicesterland, until this year. Apparently this year my mum's bought a fake one from B & Q. In previous years, I have always tried, and succeeded, to nip my mum's CRAZY threats of stopping the real tree tradition in the bud, but this year I have let myself down. Never mind. The cat always used to eat the needles from the real trees anyway, so maybe an artificial tree is best for everyone.

I am very excited about Christmas this year. Although me and Chris were together last Christmas, we'd only been going out for a few weeks, so we were physically apart on Christmas Day. This year, we'll be staying in the West Midlands until half way through Christmas Day, watching his cool and groovy kiddiewink niece and nephew open their cool and groovy presents and devouring some yumscrum dinner of the out-of-law-inlaws, before being driven to Leicesterland by my dad for drinks and a Christmas buffet courtesy of aforementioned dad (yes, we are posh) and evening present-opening. It is most thrilling. My mum's going to make Christmas dinner on Boxing Day instead of Christmas Day this year, so we will get TWO DAYS OF SILLY HATS!!! Hurroo!

In other news, I have changed my Blogger template. I hope it doesn't make me look egotistical. I really don't love myself that much. Chris advised me on which photo to use. Don't judge me, pleeease!

I am off to bed now. Nanoo, nanoo.

Evil Pie Factory

Cat

Muncky

Cow

Boo!

It is me. Hello.

I haven't blogged for three weeks. Well I never. How unusual.

I've just finished by first week at Barclays. We have shiny folders full of shiny pictures and text telling us what we're going to be doing for the next six months, with many a spelling mistake, but then you can't expect accuracy from banks can you? I am part of a team of about 50 dogsbodies helping to merge Woolwich customers' accounts to Barclays ones. Woolwich has been bought out by Barclays you see. It's all very fascinating. Banks, eh? They're great.

Today, on two occasions I noticed that my flies were undone. I hope there is no defect in my trousers and that nobody noticed. I was quite bored at lunch so I drew pictures entitled "A Shocked Macaroon" and "Escher's Goose".

Since the last time I metaphorically stabbed your mind with a HUGE DAGGER OF BLOG I have also started playing The Sims again. There is now a me (Kylini) and a Christophe and we have three wizard children (Little Barry Puppet Teeth, Bastardface and Eggchrist). We have set up camp next to Bob and Betty Newbie and everything seems to be going just fine. You can see us as Sims on Chris' blog by the way. Unfortunately we both have crap hair. I did my best but I had limited resources.

Anyway...

THE ADVENTURES OF KYLINI AND CHRISTOPHE BONGO - EPISODE 1

Kylini and Christophe Bongo move into Bongo Towers with a little money but bugger all else. Except the wizard kids (they have hats and capes and everything).

Paper girl arrives. Kylini and Chris are offered the same job - Daredevil. Oh, how true to life, except in real life we were both offered jobs with the AA. You can clearly see the similarities though.

Buy groovy new bookcase, beds for the kids and a sink for the bathroom, plus a TV and stereo. They all watch Seinfeld together and everyone is joyous. Hurray.

Meanwhile, over at Bob and Betty's, Betty calls Bastardface. In an epic twist, we find that she is unable to get hold of him as he is at school.

Some rubbish goes mouldy and fly-infested. Kylini saves the day with her outstanding cleaning abilities.

Bob and Betty come round. There's a big conversation on the subject of octopuses. Bob and Betty aren't impressed with this. They clearly have better things to talk about. Ignorant bastards.

During a TV-watching session, Kylini and Christophe descend into argument as Christophe attempts to hog the TV to watch cartoons.

To diffuse the tension Christophe and Kylini spend an hour or so brushing up on their cookery and mechanics knowledge respectively using the brand new super duper groovy bookcase. All is well with the world.

Time freezes, Knightmare style. Kylie plays Lemmings instead.

THE END

Observations

Spaniels + coffee = spaniel coffee

Hedges + sausages + life = dancing hedge sausages

Cows + ears = cows with too many ears

Triceratops + peas = carnage (they don't like peas)

Wolves + carpenters + wood = shelves with wolves on them

Eggs + pegs = a mess (the eggs get cracked, the pegs get all gloopy and wet - it's really not worth the bother)

Ants - ants' legs + otters' legs = monsters


Today I came to work on the bus/train/legs from Chris' house. On the way, I listened to the radio, wondered where Doncaster was, noted the worrying number of child commuters (one was reading the Metro in a businessman-like holding-newspaper pose), ate a double chocolate cookie from Millie's, queued for aaages as the FastTicket machines were broken and drew a fine picture of a nun with a twirly leg floating through space:

After work I'll be going back to Brum to show my passport to the people at a temping agency. They potentially have an interview lined up for me with BT on Friday, hurroo! In my interview I plan to wow them by begging and promising shiny things. How can it fail?

Spoon spoon.

Some Deep Art

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

"My Head and Insides Currently Feel Like This"

or

"My Head and Insides Currently Feel Like This"

for all you Webdingers out there

- a depiction of the way my head and insides feel currently. In the form of a hedgehog being liquidised, and therefore in pain, accompanied by smiling faces of immense joy.

Enough said.

Shamefully late update

I've been bad and not updated for weeks, I know (sorry). I am putting it down to not working for Prof Coffee any longer, and therefore not being able to spend all day on t'internet looking at www.bored.com, www.rathergood.com, www.drawapig.com etc. Poor Coffee still has no PA, muahahahahaha. Well anyway, I am now in the Resources Room, which means I am at a computer, and have internet access, and all is well with the world. Hello! Happy Christmas! Do they let you use Paint for pointless blog drawings in the Resources Room? There's only one way to find out...

So, I'm moving out of Stanway Road on Friday as my lodgees don't need a lodger any more. They have made a grave mistake! Look at the photographic(ish) evidence of my room before, during and after my living there:





The fire may have something to do with the candles in the previous picture. Of course it will be entirely accidental ;).

Ok so that was just an excuse to draw pretty (ahem) pictures. I'm bored! The Xanana's social, Wind Orchestra and Top B have all abandoned me for four weeks!!! FOUR WEEKS! I've been in the Resources Room for about 2 1/2 hours now, and I'm very surprised they haven't chucked me out...

I guess I should make some effort to go home now. Au revoir mes petits cochons d'inde :D

Important date for your diary

20th October = Uterus Day

(according to a leaflet I found lying around in the photocopier room).

Remember it

Oh look, a map of Gibbet Hill which I found on my computer.


It appears that Jesus has hacked into the system at the Clinical Sciences Research Insitute, Clinical Sciences Building, Clifford Bridge Road, COVENTRY, CV2 2DX with his pet sheep Derek, and named the area according to his favourite words. Ooh he is a one, that Jesus. Perhaps I will not tell Professor Coffee. Perhaps I will simply delete the picture and show Jesus once and for all that it is just not on.

For now, I will leave you with a link to a picture of a cat eating a sausage.