Kylie's Anal Rant

This may seem a bit of an overreaction, but I feel the need to write about something that really gets on my nerves.


See the image below:
It's all wrong! The barlines are all in the wrong place, the sharps and flats are on the wrong line and if we're talking about the musical equivalent of grammar, it's all fucked up in general. Argh! If people want to use notation for decorative purposes, e.g. on a t-shirt or something, they should either: 1. look into how to write it correctly, or 2. get someone who knows what they're doing to create it. Someone like me :) or indeed anyone with a basic grasp of music theory. Ooh, it makes me angry!

To end on a positive note, I like Haribo. Haribo makes me happy, but not as much as Lindor makes me happy.

God I'm rubbish

Sorry I'm late. I've not got around to posting for a month! Anyway, here is a Flight of the Conchords video for your amusement. I know everyone knows about it by now, but I'm still going to post it anyway, so nare :)



HURRAH!!!

I didnae post last night so I am posting now. Look - it is a post. Yes.

It will only be short though as I am about to go shopping for new flat stuff and shiny things :) :) :).

Our new flat is very funkysome. Everyone is invited. Hurray.

We have seen a zombie print in a local shop that is soon to be the centrepiece of our living room. That's how cool our new flat is. Although I suppose it may startle people sleeping on the sofa.

I will take a picture once my camera is fixed (I think it got moisture in it from the swimming pool that was V 2007 and now it won't progress past the welcome screen) (I won't tell Curry's Digital that when I take it in today) (oh no, it was all their fault).

Anyway, I am off to eat some Weetabix from our glorious new kitchen.

Good morn!

Good morrow. It is me.

Hurrah! I am back, with internet forever more. At home and everything!

I will do a proper post tomorrow if I get chance, but for now, it is late and I must retire to bed.

Goody-bye!

xxx

V Festival and monkeys and, of course, their trousers

This morning we returned from Mr V. Festival. It was my first campy-festival experience, in that I have been to festivals before but only ones in Leicester or Coventry where I've been able to go home to a lovely warm bed and a shower and my penguin pyjamas at the end of the day.

It rained many and much. It was muddy many and much. We paid many and much for food and drink and plastic rain ponchos. We used many and much toilet seats baring ourselves to many visible poos and the smell of much visible (and invisible) poos. But the bands were many and much bloody good and we did "The Festival Dance" (think leg-kicking-in-a-circle like you've seen on the news) many and much. Generally it was many and much good. This is with the exception of Lily Allen who really did embarrass herself many and much, but let's forget her as failing to do so can only hinder the lives of such wonderful people who may choose to read this blog.

There was a bit of a to-do in getting out of the car park, what with Nick's car going to car sleepy land in the mud, but we eventually got home and I had the loveliest, warmest shower that I have ever experienced. It was also nice to walk on the firm, concrete-y floor to the shop round the corner. Ah, concrete. It is so very reliable and non-slippy.

That is all. I still have no internet so I am having to borrow Mr H's computer and may not be back for some time. For the time being I would like to request 1) a new job (£14,000 a year and no corporate bastards would be lovely), 2) an affordable and shiny flat in Wolverhampton and 3) some corduroy slacks fit for simians to dance in as I am planning a funky monkey disco for my future pet monkey and he is currently naked. Thank you.

P.S. I have changed my mind about Mika. He is quite good at playing instruments and has very good taste in trousers. And he provides very good music to back The Festival Dance.

Adam Buxton Songs of Praise thing as recommended by Rodney "Kylie's Dad" Posnett

Shiny weekendness

Alternative title: London - woo and that.

My weekend:

Lester P. Mason had his own ticket. The man on the train with the stampy thing didn't accept it. Tut.

Mistifer Christifer and sock monkey


Mr Hilmolius Jaidin

He brought it upon himself

- Friday evening at Spoons near Trafalgar Square for scrumbumptious paninis and cocktails and shit with newly/not-so/newly far-away friends. And Lester P. Mason, for whom the novelty of alchimohol was all too much (and who may appear in many photos as a result).

Ciaran "I love Miss Congeniality" Osborne and David (host and bf)


A Jon-Esther

- On to Popstarz for further jollities. I had not been to a gay club in yonks so it was many welcome. Although I think a man tried to hit on Chris via me. But not in a grabby scary way like people do in Blast Off etc.

- Back to Ciaran's in Brixton for sleeeeeep.

Shiny people Ms Jemima and Mr Dan

The cheese, THE CHEEEEESE!

- Chocolate spread on toast and a quick exit towards what we thought was the Virgin in Oxford Circus but was actually the Virgin in Picadilly Circus to meet Mr Dan and Ms Jemima. Oh, and Pizza Hut, naturellement...

- More fun.

- Shopping, that's what. Panda bag of joy, that's what. Oh yes.

- Scary but good pub off Oxford Street.

- Scrombiddilyjoy-filled wonderfood from a pub in Brixton.

- Various other things that I won't go into because it is twenty past eleven and I have been editing this post for far too long (bloody Blogger and its rubbish photo uploading system).


HURRAH!

I'm off to wake Chris up as he is on the sofa asleep. But only to take him to a more comfy bed. I'm not evil. Nighty night x

A belated Pingu valentine

Hello. I have not been blogging enough. Soz. I have been rather busy of late. I have been eating lots of pizza and drinking at funky bars by the canal and trying not to scratch the mysterious cut that appeared on my left index finger at the Bright Eyes gig/Ramshackles last night. I also seem to have been bitten by one or several or many insect-people in my sleep. So yes, we're getting all the crappy things that summer should bring and NONE OF THE BLOODY SUN, RAAAARGH! Anyway. Tis not all bad.

Yesterday morning, I was interviewed for a job at the eye centre of a hospital in Birmingham. It went very well I think. I've wanted to work in a hospital for a long while now - down with corporations! Up with doing things that directly benefit people! I've been temping for two years since finishing my degree, waiting to get a job like this one. If I got the job I would be testing people's eyes for glaucoma, mainly over 55s but sometimes going out to schools to check that everything is ok vision-wise for the little kiddiwinks :).

It's a bit different to processing the mortgages of ungrateful people for £6.50 an hour.

I went for the same job in February, and apparently was favourite until the very last person. The lady interviewing me rang me back to say that I should apply if anything else came up because they liked me. And that is what I jolly well did. I find out on Tuesday anyway. Fins crossed, my fishies, fins crossed.

Here is a video of Pingu for Noodles. He doesn't like Pingu (shocking) but I am going to post it anyway.

Meme, teehee

On Chloe's request, a fluffy new meme for your reading pleasure. And you will enjoy it. Oh yes. It's copy and paste time.


Rules:

We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. Most of my favourite things are red and black and very, very sparkly.

2. I own two Jesus action figures. One has rolly feet so you can wheel him around and one has glow in the dark hands and loaves and fishes.
3. I have a habit of sporadically saying "monkey trousers", which has nothing to do with the old TV programme, which I have never seen.

4. My cousin went to school with the Sooty presenter who took over from Matthew Corbett. Now that's what I call a claim to fame.

5. As a child I used to have recurring nightmares which involved: 1. being chased by a giant Lego man and 2. being pushed down the stairs by Bully from Bullseye.

6. My obsession with the old ITV kids' show Knightmare is such that I originally spelt "nightmare" wrong in point 5.

7. I used to have a crush on Sonic the Hedgehog.

8. I clearly have issues as almost all of the above relate to my childhood :). And also because I used to have a crush on a cartoon character.

Tagged:

Christopher David Noodles Bate of Christopher David Noodles Bate's blog fame
Dan of Dan's blog fame
Maja of Maja's blog fame
The Grumble of The Grumble's blog fame

Bloggerwise this leaves me stuck *sob* as I am a newbie to regular bloggers, so I will continue the tagfest on Facebook...

And to finish, an air chicken Ryan Adams recital from Mistifer Christopher Bate:

Feeding carrots to monkeys

Since I last posted, I have done the following: -

a bit of Cat Yoga

a bit of bubble harrassment

received, and eaten, a lot of Lindor (woo)

visited some birthday fish at the National Sealife Centre in Birmingham with Hilmi and Dom (generous Lindor givers) - photos of the meatier fish were taken by Chris.

eaten some good old Leicester toast. Leicester being the best city in the world or, if you prefer to disagree, I will go RARGH at you

discovered a new ready made Cosmopolitan mixer in M&S (buy it! Tis only £2.50!)

taken my brother by surprise

discovered Gladys A. Mummy at the New Walk Museum

seen some birds in the Wild Space section... hur hur hur...

and admired all manner of fine art.

Except for the Picasso pottery, which was crap :)

PICASSEROLE DISH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(It was my birthday on Sunday, and I got a shiny new camera, hence the snap happiness)
(Oh and our internet is back, hurrah!)

(Hello)
(xxx)

A Powem

I am me
Shopping spree
Buy a flea
On a pea
Have a wee
In the sea
On a bee
La la be
I can see
Lots of pee
Running free
From Monkey
Carol Smillie
Zebedee
Look! A shiny
I'm Kylie

(That's what you get when I can't think of anything to post about :))

Things that rhyme with "tree"

• Me
• Spree
• Flea
• Pea
• Wee
• Sea
• Bee
• Be
• See
• Pee
• Free
• Monkey
• Carol Smillie
• Zebedee
• Shiny
• Kylie

And now, a powem...

The meme thing everyone seems to be doing

Three Things That Scare Me:

1. Murderers

2. Death

3. Spiders (I stole that one from Chris. But here is a beauuuutiful picture to make me feel more innovative...)

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:

1. Bill Bailey

2. Eddie Izzard (AKA Dizzard in my household)

3. My friends and boyfriend. Otherwise what's the point?

Three Things I Love:

1. Baby terrapins

2. Shiny and in-tune pianos

3. Shiny things - preferably black with red sparkly stones

Three Things I Hate:

1. Judgemental people (and by that I mean the ones who judge you before they've even had a proper conversation with you)

2.

3. Onions

Three Things I Don’t Understand:

1. Physics

2. Paris Hilton's popularity
3. The appeal of man-cardigans

Three Things On My Desk:

1. An electric fan

2. A little pink notebook that used to be in my handbag before I used and ripped out all of the pages.

3. Sparkly bangles (yay!)

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:

1. Typing, it would appear

2. Sitting in a garden chair

3. Waiting for The Soup to come on. It is very good. You would do well to watch it.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Learn to play the harp.

2. Set up my own little business and escape the 9-5. Maybe a little jewellery shop or something. Kylie's Shiny Things Emporium Full of Shiny Things That Sparkle.

3. Be in Chris's band of the future.

Three Things I Can Do:

1. Make "the best pancakes in the world", apparently.

2. Roll my tongue

3. Make sparkly/glow in the dark bracelets

Three Things I Can’t Do:

1. Not cry when sad/happy/angry/many other situations that most people can deal with rationally.

2. Ride a bike.

3. Climb/swing on the big rope in P.E. That wasn't an innuendo.

Three things you should listen to:

1. The songs of Mulligan and O'Hare

2. Potential traffic noises as you cross the road. Safety first.

3. Music at work. Down with rules! One day we will all be FREEEEE!!!

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:

1. Bernard Manning.

2. People who use the phrase "a job's a job".
3. The Cheeky Girls

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:

1. Latin and ballroom dancing (this was true before Strictly Come Dancing arrived).

2. How to be a good parent to Sea Monkeys, thus increasing their life expectancies.

3. The reason why photocopiers hate me.

Three Favorite Foods:

1. Pizza Hut pizzas and chicken wings.

2. Chicken carbonara

3. Lindor chocolates

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:

1. Knightmare

2. Ghostwriter

3. Pob

Three Things I Regret:

1. Not working hard enough for my degree. Although if I had, I'd probably be living somewhere else and wouldn't have met Chris.

2. Not having visited the dentist sooner.

3. Leaving my 15p reduced-after-Easter Lindor eggs in the sun. They became inedible :'(

Three People I Tag:

I don't do tagging. I don't know enough people! Anyone reading who hasn't done this already.


UPDATE: It would appear that my spider photo has been taken down. Quel dommage.

A quick one...

Me and Chris have been together 6 months as of Saturday. This post was going to be longer but aforementioned blokie is about to play Resident Evil and I want to watch him slash zombies so it is going to have to be a one-paragrapher. But yes, HURRAH!

To Chris,

Happy Sixmonthiversary,

Lots and lots of love from me

*sparkly yellow things*
*otters with party hats*
*monkey trousers*
*absolutely no play doh*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Alas! Alack! My Tooth!", an autobiographical poem by Kylie "Plastic Dogetta" Posnett

My tooth is black
What shall I do?!
It hurts me when I eat a shrew
A hole revealed itself to me
A tiny hole,
A cavity

When looking in a mirror-woo
And thinking of a kangaroo
I saw the little holey there
Nestled like a cream eclair.

At first I thought it was a seed
Or perhaps a cunning bead
A bead that sought a dental home
And fed upon the toothpaste foam

Removable with cocktail stick
YES
Cocktail stick would do the trick
But no, Alas, Alack, Aploooo
Oh no! Oh Keith! 'Twill just not do

No bead was there, no seed, no grain
Just a hole of crappy pain

And so, to Denty I must go
Denty being the surgeon-o
Although I haven't got the cash
So I'm not going yet
So there

Also I've found that one of my wisdom teeth is growing at a funny angle and looks set to push into my other teeth so I'll probably have to have it taken out and I am very scared of needles and operations and stuff and I haven't been to Denty for about ten years so by now every tooth probably has to have something done to it oh dear never mind wish me luck end of poem BYE

I was almost killed by a Stormtrooper...

(which would be on the front page of Cosmo if I was in it)

YES!!!! It's the long-awaited photos and videos of last weekend and our trip to Leicester. Woohoo.


A Stormtrooper poses for me WITH HIS BIG WHITE GUN ooer


Our post-Fan Club trip to the (apparently haunted) Guildhall and Leicester Cathedral. Sorry about the darkness. The lack of light, not the band. Hur hur hur.

The National Space Centre


I tried to take a photo of a stormtrooper through the window of the canteen while enjoying a bag of Wotsits but he was having none of it.

Chris in front of a shiny rocket

The Royal Family

My brother Adam and his happy face

Adam made a "house for starving Ethiopian children", complete with ice cubes

Free lollies!

Chris turned into a duck and we had to take him to A&E, cutting the night short. Hoho.

The Crap Pianist Rag: A Howmarge to Mr Hilmolius Jaiden and Such

Evil Pie Factory

Cat

Muncky