Meme, teehee

On Chloe's request, a fluffy new meme for your reading pleasure. And you will enjoy it. Oh yes. It's copy and paste time.


Rules:

We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. Most of my favourite things are red and black and very, very sparkly.

2. I own two Jesus action figures. One has rolly feet so you can wheel him around and one has glow in the dark hands and loaves and fishes.
3. I have a habit of sporadically saying "monkey trousers", which has nothing to do with the old TV programme, which I have never seen.

4. My cousin went to school with the Sooty presenter who took over from Matthew Corbett. Now that's what I call a claim to fame.

5. As a child I used to have recurring nightmares which involved: 1. being chased by a giant Lego man and 2. being pushed down the stairs by Bully from Bullseye.

6. My obsession with the old ITV kids' show Knightmare is such that I originally spelt "nightmare" wrong in point 5.

7. I used to have a crush on Sonic the Hedgehog.

8. I clearly have issues as almost all of the above relate to my childhood :). And also because I used to have a crush on a cartoon character.

Tagged:

Christopher David Noodles Bate of Christopher David Noodles Bate's blog fame
Dan of Dan's blog fame
Maja of Maja's blog fame
The Grumble of The Grumble's blog fame

Bloggerwise this leaves me stuck *sob* as I am a newbie to regular bloggers, so I will continue the tagfest on Facebook...

And to finish, an air chicken Ryan Adams recital from Mistifer Christopher Bate:

Feeding carrots to monkeys

Since I last posted, I have done the following: -

a bit of Cat Yoga

a bit of bubble harrassment

received, and eaten, a lot of Lindor (woo)

visited some birthday fish at the National Sealife Centre in Birmingham with Hilmi and Dom (generous Lindor givers) - photos of the meatier fish were taken by Chris.

eaten some good old Leicester toast. Leicester being the best city in the world or, if you prefer to disagree, I will go RARGH at you

discovered a new ready made Cosmopolitan mixer in M&S (buy it! Tis only £2.50!)

taken my brother by surprise

discovered Gladys A. Mummy at the New Walk Museum

seen some birds in the Wild Space section... hur hur hur...

and admired all manner of fine art.

Except for the Picasso pottery, which was crap :)

PICASSEROLE DISH, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(It was my birthday on Sunday, and I got a shiny new camera, hence the snap happiness)
(Oh and our internet is back, hurrah!)

(Hello)
(xxx)

A Powem

I am me
Shopping spree
Buy a flea
On a pea
Have a wee
In the sea
On a bee
La la be
I can see
Lots of pee
Running free
From Monkey
Carol Smillie
Zebedee
Look! A shiny
I'm Kylie

(That's what you get when I can't think of anything to post about :))

Things that rhyme with "tree"

• Me
• Spree
• Flea
• Pea
• Wee
• Sea
• Bee
• Be
• See
• Pee
• Free
• Monkey
• Carol Smillie
• Zebedee
• Shiny
• Kylie

And now, a powem...

The meme thing everyone seems to be doing

Three Things That Scare Me:

1. Murderers

2. Death

3. Spiders (I stole that one from Chris. But here is a beauuuutiful picture to make me feel more innovative...)

Three People Who Make Me Laugh:

1. Bill Bailey

2. Eddie Izzard (AKA Dizzard in my household)

3. My friends and boyfriend. Otherwise what's the point?

Three Things I Love:

1. Baby terrapins

2. Shiny and in-tune pianos

3. Shiny things - preferably black with red sparkly stones

Three Things I Hate:

1. Judgemental people (and by that I mean the ones who judge you before they've even had a proper conversation with you)

2.

3. Onions

Three Things I Don’t Understand:

1. Physics

2. Paris Hilton's popularity
3. The appeal of man-cardigans

Three Things On My Desk:

1. An electric fan

2. A little pink notebook that used to be in my handbag before I used and ripped out all of the pages.

3. Sparkly bangles (yay!)

Three Things I’m Doing Right Now:

1. Typing, it would appear

2. Sitting in a garden chair

3. Waiting for The Soup to come on. It is very good. You would do well to watch it.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

1. Learn to play the harp.

2. Set up my own little business and escape the 9-5. Maybe a little jewellery shop or something. Kylie's Shiny Things Emporium Full of Shiny Things That Sparkle.

3. Be in Chris's band of the future.

Three Things I Can Do:

1. Make "the best pancakes in the world", apparently.

2. Roll my tongue

3. Make sparkly/glow in the dark bracelets

Three Things I Can’t Do:

1. Not cry when sad/happy/angry/many other situations that most people can deal with rationally.

2. Ride a bike.

3. Climb/swing on the big rope in P.E. That wasn't an innuendo.

Three things you should listen to:

1. The songs of Mulligan and O'Hare

2. Potential traffic noises as you cross the road. Safety first.

3. Music at work. Down with rules! One day we will all be FREEEEE!!!

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:

1. Bernard Manning.

2. People who use the phrase "a job's a job".
3. The Cheeky Girls

Three Things I’d Like To Learn:

1. Latin and ballroom dancing (this was true before Strictly Come Dancing arrived).

2. How to be a good parent to Sea Monkeys, thus increasing their life expectancies.

3. The reason why photocopiers hate me.

Three Favorite Foods:

1. Pizza Hut pizzas and chicken wings.

2. Chicken carbonara

3. Lindor chocolates

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid:

1. Knightmare

2. Ghostwriter

3. Pob

Three Things I Regret:

1. Not working hard enough for my degree. Although if I had, I'd probably be living somewhere else and wouldn't have met Chris.

2. Not having visited the dentist sooner.

3. Leaving my 15p reduced-after-Easter Lindor eggs in the sun. They became inedible :'(

Three People I Tag:

I don't do tagging. I don't know enough people! Anyone reading who hasn't done this already.


UPDATE: It would appear that my spider photo has been taken down. Quel dommage.

A quick one...

Me and Chris have been together 6 months as of Saturday. This post was going to be longer but aforementioned blokie is about to play Resident Evil and I want to watch him slash zombies so it is going to have to be a one-paragrapher. But yes, HURRAH!

To Chris,

Happy Sixmonthiversary,

Lots and lots of love from me

*sparkly yellow things*
*otters with party hats*
*monkey trousers*
*absolutely no play doh*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Alas! Alack! My Tooth!", an autobiographical poem by Kylie "Plastic Dogetta" Posnett

My tooth is black
What shall I do?!
It hurts me when I eat a shrew
A hole revealed itself to me
A tiny hole,
A cavity

When looking in a mirror-woo
And thinking of a kangaroo
I saw the little holey there
Nestled like a cream eclair.

At first I thought it was a seed
Or perhaps a cunning bead
A bead that sought a dental home
And fed upon the toothpaste foam

Removable with cocktail stick
YES
Cocktail stick would do the trick
But no, Alas, Alack, Aploooo
Oh no! Oh Keith! 'Twill just not do

No bead was there, no seed, no grain
Just a hole of crappy pain

And so, to Denty I must go
Denty being the surgeon-o
Although I haven't got the cash
So I'm not going yet
So there

Also I've found that one of my wisdom teeth is growing at a funny angle and looks set to push into my other teeth so I'll probably have to have it taken out and I am very scared of needles and operations and stuff and I haven't been to Denty for about ten years so by now every tooth probably has to have something done to it oh dear never mind wish me luck end of poem BYE

I was almost killed by a Stormtrooper...

(which would be on the front page of Cosmo if I was in it)

YES!!!! It's the long-awaited photos and videos of last weekend and our trip to Leicester. Woohoo.


A Stormtrooper poses for me WITH HIS BIG WHITE GUN ooer


Our post-Fan Club trip to the (apparently haunted) Guildhall and Leicester Cathedral. Sorry about the darkness. The lack of light, not the band. Hur hur hur.

The National Space Centre


I tried to take a photo of a stormtrooper through the window of the canteen while enjoying a bag of Wotsits but he was having none of it.

Chris in front of a shiny rocket

The Royal Family

My brother Adam and his happy face

Adam made a "house for starving Ethiopian children", complete with ice cubes

Free lollies!

Chris turned into a duck and we had to take him to A&E, cutting the night short. Hoho.

The Crap Pianist Rag: A Howmarge to Mr Hilmolius Jaiden and Such

Evil Pie Factory

Cat

Muncky

Cow

Archer's and Lemonade: Reprise

Hello, Terry Nutkins. Today we went to the pub (or "pib" as I originally typed and corrected) and had some numnum. Me and Chris and Blair were there. My chicken club sandwich without the mayonnaise or tomato was just spiffing, and we had lots of fun on the games machine with Ant and Dec. Not the sexual kind. Eew. Then we went to Merry Hill (that shopping centre of glory with the Hotel Chocolat which I have yet to buy stuff from due to a lack of pennies since I moved here) and noticed a man with a fake bottom and bought hats and chewing gum and drinks. I tried on some sunglasses that made me look like Cliff Richard. I decided against buying them.

I am drinking Archers Aqua. I like drinking Archers Aqua. Is that Aqua of Mr Archer, or Aqua of Mr Archers? I need to know because I need to know where to put the apostrophe. Please do tell me if you know. Anyway, it is nice, although it has small bits of orange floating in it as I had orange juice in the same glass earlier. It all adds to the texture. In tribute to its wonder, I have decided to re-post mine and Carl's old hit, the Archers and Lemonade Song. Which looking at what I've pasted below would imply that Archers is, in fact, the Aqua of Mr Archer. Problem solved.


The Archer's and Lemonade Song by Kylie Posnett and Carl Beasley (to be sung to the tune of "Oom Pah Pah" from the musical "Oliver!")


I love Archer's and lemonade
I want to include the fire brigade
If I don't then I won't get paid
Because they commissioned this song.

CHORUS:
Arch-chers, Arch-chers, lemonade
Arch-chers, Arch-chers, Fire Brigade
Arch-chers, Arch-chers, I'm getting paid
To mention the fire brigade.

I like to stir it with a spoooon
It makes me feel I'm on the moooon
Which I shaln't compare to a balloooon
Because this is an overused cliche.

CHORUS

I tried to bake it in a flan
During my time as a chef in Japan
It incurred the wrath of the Emperor's gran
So I was condemned to death by cheese.

CHORUS

Drowning in cheese for many a week
They provided a salad of carrot and leek
When mixed with our drink the effects are unique
That's why I love Archer's and lemonade.

CHORUS


Hurrah! I'm off to drink Archer's Aqua and get ready for a probable trip to old Wolver-o-hampton town-city. Goodbye, Mr and Mrs Angrykitten.

For Christ's sake, eat a bloody egg

My Autobiography

1.Where did you take your main pic?
The Royal London, a jolly Scream pub in Wolver-o-hampton. We go there A LOT.

2.What exactly are you wearing right now?
A blue flowery skirt and a green stripy top. They clash and I am ashamed.

3.What is your current problem?
Until today it was a lack of job and money, but I start a new one (albeit a £5.75 ph one) on Monday so it should sort itself out soon. I need some NHS person to give me a job. Then everything will be good.

4.What makes you happy most?
Chris and Mars Ice Creams and having lots of people and places to visit and having escaped from a rut. I miss people in Coventry lots but my mental health has improved. I was a nutbox before.

5.What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
It's called "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" and it's by The Freezer.

6.Any celeb you would marry...
Penelope Keith

7.Name someone with the same birthday as you?
Julie off of Biological Sciences! Also apparently St John the Baptist was beheaded on my birthday.

8.Ever sang in front of a large audience?
In choir yes. I did Verdi's Requiem and a musical about coffee called Arabica at the De Montfort Hall.

9. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Someone evil once compared me to Avril Lavigne for some reason. I think it was because my hair was all one length and dull.

10.Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
I watched a rip-off of Dora the Explorer when I was at Chris' dad's on Sunday. It taught me all about sharks and how to identify different species. Not like back in my day...

11. Do you speak any languages?
Oui. Je suis un bureau de change.

12. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
Only when I was little.

13.Do you ever watch MTV?
Sometimes.

14.What's something that really annoys you?
Up-themselves bosses (grrr).


Chapter 1:
===============
1.Middle name (s):
Amanda.

2.Nickname(s):
Plastic Dog, Chien au Plastique, Baby Duck...

3.Current location:
The kitchen/armchair and garden chair and computer room

4.Eye color:
Hazel

Chapter 2:
===============

1.Do you live with your parent(s):
No

2.Do you get along with your parent(s):
Yes

3.Are your parents married/separated/divorced
Separated.

4.Do you have any Siblings?:
1 brother and 1 half brother

Chapter 3: Favorites
===============
1. Ice Cream:
Phish Food!

2. Season:
Summer


Chapter 4: Do You..
===============
1. Dance in the shower?
No, that would be weird.

2.Do you write on your hand?
I sometimes draw smily faces on my hand without realising it.

3.Call people back:
When I can.

4.Believe in love:
Yes!

6. Any bad habits
I molt. But that's not my fault. Salt.

7. Any mental health issues:
Quite a few :)


Chapter 5: Have You..
===============
1.Broken a bone:
No

2.Sprained stuff:
No

3.Had physical therapy:
*sigh* no

5.Taken painkillers:
Lots. I'm not addicted or anything...

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling:
No

7.Been stung by a bee:
I was stung by a wasp. It was totally unprovoked. The bastard.

8.Thrown up at the dentist:
No, I might do soon though. I have a black hole in my tooth (not the vacuum-ous kind) and I don't like the thought of what he's going to do about it.

9.Sworn in front of your parents:
Accidentally.

10. Had detention:
Yes, for being late to assembly.

11.Been called a hoe:
One too many times...

Chaper 6: Who/What was the last
===============
1.Movie(s):
Shaun of the Dead I think.

2.Person to text you:
Christophus

3.Person you called:
My dad.

4.Person you hugged
Jinx (the Cat)

5.Person you tackled:
I don't play rugby

6. Person you talked to on IM?
I haven't signed in for yonks. Maybe Esther.

7.Thing you touched:
My phone to see who I called last

8. Thing you ate?
A lovely Red Leicester cheese sandwich. It really is a superior cheese.

9.Thing you drank:
Diet coke (the boycott went out of the window temporarily)

10.Thing you said:
"Meow", to Jinx.

A wasp bastard

Meme meme meme, la la la la la

1. What ended your last relationship?
An argument about fish. And the fact that he was a bat. It was never going to work...

2. What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was at Rebellion grooving and losing my passport and drinking from a lovely pink cup.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Waking up with a biiig hangover.

4. First thought after waking up this morning?
POJWRNVHSfkJFHweiulcnytilsvnggslrNooooooooooooooooooooooo! I feel very dizzy!

5. Are you any good at math?
I got an A at A-Level. The easiness of Decision helped me with that. I seem to remember something about a Chinese postman.

6. Prom night?
Alas, our college never had a prom.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
No

8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
Yes, bloody thing

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Yes I do.

10. Last thing received in the mail?
My timesheet, I believe.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
Hmm, let's see... I had water in the morning, a J2O at the pub and some squash. I decided against hair of the dog.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering phones?
Sometimes. I hate doing that though.

13. Ever been in love?
As of 2nd December 2006, yes.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Haven't been to the beach since, oh, 1963.

15. What cell phone provider do you have?
Vodaphone.

!16.Where is your most favourite place in the world?
Bed.

17. Do you have any plans for tonight?
Blair is over and we are all going to have fishfinger sandwiches and Party Babies (to eat, not give birth to) and watch telly-o-vision. Hurrah.

18. Do you like the ocean?
Yes, when I'm not in it.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorn?
What are you rambling on about, you Raccoon of Mystique?

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
YES! I went to the one next to Madame Tussaud's when I was a wee tyke. Twas a jolly place.

21. Something you are excited about?
The coming weekend and chillin' and David J's party and Chris not having to go to work and stuff.

22. What is your favorite flavour of jelly?
Raspberry and Jesus.

23. Are any of your great grandparents alive?
No, and I have but one grandparent left, Grandmama in Walestown. My mother calls her the wicked witch of the west and she used to say she came to visit on a broomstick. She is nice really, if a bit Dougal-esque :)

24. Describe your keys:
I borrow Chris's keys. We need to get a new one cut. Then I will attach Bob the Rainbow Trout and all will be well with the world.

25. Where do you keep your change?
In my purse, you pillock.

26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
My lecture for my final year project I think. Ooooh that was scary

27. What kind of winter coat do you have?
A big black one with buttons that fall off and a ripped lining. I need a new coat.

28. What was the weather like on your graduation?
It was very sunny, with sun and sunshine and light and the usual things that come with the sun.

29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Even if it's closed Jinx opens it to wake us up. We can't win really.

Suck But No Blow: 36

Because I have used the word "porn" in this sentence lots of porn-looker-for-ers will stumble across my page and get annoyed. Ho ho ho.

Enjoy.

Suck But No Blow 36


Outtakes #1: Cat Escapes Mid Filming


Outtakes #2: My Acting Downfall and the Beginning of Blair's Movie Star Career





CREDITS

The Fixer: Mr Christopher D. Bate
Lady McHotass (The Fixee): Mr Blair Frame
Failed Lady McHotass: Miss Kylie "Plastic Dog" Posnett
Cat: Miss Jinx (the Cat)

"Duck Pancakes" - A Poem of Warning

Pancake, pancake, pancake
Toothpaste, toothpaste, sock
Spongecake, spongecake, spongecake
Stick of, stick of rock

Cocker, cocker spaniel
Herpes, rabies, mange
Raping ducks is clever
Kissing ducks is strange

Wobble! Wobble! Wobble!
I'm falling from a tree!
I cannot cope
This duck's anus,
It wasn't meant for me

Bang! Bang! Bang!
(Not in the sexual sense)
Broken legs and broken arms
But what's the duck's defense?

"Quack! He did it, him!"
The duck began to say
An officer was taking note,
"More backup's on its way."

Nee-nah, nee-nah, nee-nah
Handcuffs, guns and cars
There's no escaping punishment
I'm going behind bars

So what's the lesson here, good friends,
The moral to my tale?
You rape a duck
You pay the price
Of feathery betrayal

Leave the fucking things alone
For God's sake, Mary Jane
They'll rape you back, metaphorically
With ducky, fucky pain.

Boo!

It is me. Hello.

I haven't blogged for three weeks. Well I never. How unusual.

I've just finished by first week at Barclays. We have shiny folders full of shiny pictures and text telling us what we're going to be doing for the next six months, with many a spelling mistake, but then you can't expect accuracy from banks can you? I am part of a team of about 50 dogsbodies helping to merge Woolwich customers' accounts to Barclays ones. Woolwich has been bought out by Barclays you see. It's all very fascinating. Banks, eh? They're great.

Today, on two occasions I noticed that my flies were undone. I hope there is no defect in my trousers and that nobody noticed. I was quite bored at lunch so I drew pictures entitled "A Shocked Macaroon" and "Escher's Goose".

Since the last time I metaphorically stabbed your mind with a HUGE DAGGER OF BLOG I have also started playing The Sims again. There is now a me (Kylini) and a Christophe and we have three wizard children (Little Barry Puppet Teeth, Bastardface and Eggchrist). We have set up camp next to Bob and Betty Newbie and everything seems to be going just fine. You can see us as Sims on Chris' blog by the way. Unfortunately we both have crap hair. I did my best but I had limited resources.

Anyway...

THE ADVENTURES OF KYLINI AND CHRISTOPHE BONGO - EPISODE 1

Kylini and Christophe Bongo move into Bongo Towers with a little money but bugger all else. Except the wizard kids (they have hats and capes and everything).

Paper girl arrives. Kylini and Chris are offered the same job - Daredevil. Oh, how true to life, except in real life we were both offered jobs with the AA. You can clearly see the similarities though.

Buy groovy new bookcase, beds for the kids and a sink for the bathroom, plus a TV and stereo. They all watch Seinfeld together and everyone is joyous. Hurray.

Meanwhile, over at Bob and Betty's, Betty calls Bastardface. In an epic twist, we find that she is unable to get hold of him as he is at school.

Some rubbish goes mouldy and fly-infested. Kylini saves the day with her outstanding cleaning abilities.

Bob and Betty come round. There's a big conversation on the subject of octopuses. Bob and Betty aren't impressed with this. They clearly have better things to talk about. Ignorant bastards.

During a TV-watching session, Kylini and Christophe descend into argument as Christophe attempts to hog the TV to watch cartoons.

To diffuse the tension Christophe and Kylini spend an hour or so brushing up on their cookery and mechanics knowledge respectively using the brand new super duper groovy bookcase. All is well with the world.

Time freezes, Knightmare style. Kylie plays Lemmings instead.

THE END